mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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