We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
