Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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