I'm jealous of your bromance
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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