I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
