How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
