What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
