She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
