hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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