I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
