somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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