Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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