Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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