It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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