I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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