I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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