Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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