how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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