nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
