I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
