I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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