allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
