The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
