I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
