Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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