I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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