I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
