my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
