Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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