Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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