You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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