I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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