someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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