she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
