Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
