he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
