So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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