i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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