i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
