He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
