your room smells of hookers.
And success
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
