I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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