I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize