I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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