Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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