and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
