Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
