I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
