question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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