she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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