I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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