Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
