The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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