Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
