Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
