he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
