god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
