he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
