It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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