this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
