I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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