people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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