We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
