im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
