After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
