I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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