Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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