you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
