Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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